I had to help Daemon write a talk today for primary. He did a great job. Rowan also had to give a scripture today, which we were not prepared for. Poor cute girl. I’ve conducted primary the past 2 weeks, it’s not as easy as it looks.
This evening Summer, Sara, Rob, Daemon, Rowan, and Kaia were all here for dinner. Staci and Brielle were at Frightmares. I have this nausea that keeps coming and going so I didn’t eat dinner with everyone else. Today I felt pretty well until tonight.
Staci colored my hair, it’s probably the last time. While I was in the shower washing out the dye I had a small melt down. How can my cute breasts turn on me? This is so gross.
The clock ticking in the bathroom is ominous, it’s forcing me into my future.
I see I have missed a few texts so I am responding to them now. This interaction is making me more nervous.
I have this stupid chronic cough which I believe is somewhere between a bad habit, nerves, or allergies. This is the third time in my life where I have coughed to the point of throwing up. I cough to the point of gagging on a fairly regular basis, but never on this level. It’s my stress. This constant worry of the unknown is very hard. I cannot stand to be the problem. I have worked so hard to not be a problem to anyone in my life. I have been solid and dependable. I control things. I don’t know how to do this, it breaks my heart L. I do not want to add stress to people, there is already so much stress in everyone’s life.
Ok I’m exhausted, I’m taking an ambien. I hope I can sleep more than five hours tonight.
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