It is the day after Christmas, just sitting home drinking a chai enjoying they day. We have plans to see the movie War Horse @ 3:00 with mom. I really feel like my heart has been connected to the spirit of Christmas this year. I have truly appreciated all the music, the events, the lights, the scriptural account, the family. It has all been beautiful.
Jim and I had a gift certificate to the Zermat in Midway, which had been provided by my work. I made reservations for the first week-end in December as there was a scheduled Creche exhibit at the Homestead that week-end as well. We had a suite! You know, one where your bed is turned down, chocolates, cheese plate, plush towel robes! Perfect dreamy week-end. We started the week-end with a hot rock massage at the Cameo school. I had a small melt down because it was difficult to get down on my stomach. I was unable to rest my arms above my head, but with a little improvise and a kind and patient student we made it ok. I silently cried through most of the massage because it was so relaxing. Jim fell to sleep quite quickly both on his stomach and back, so he quietly snored. I am sure the two students found us quite amusing, I know I would have! The drive up to Midway was quiet as we listened to Christmas music. The nativity exhibit was absolutely beautiful at the Homestead, there was live music. It once again, made me cry. We ate dinner at the Zermat. It was a very cold night, with a soft snowfall. Perfect night to turn on the fireplace and cuddle in.
I started back to work that following Monday. I would not be starting nursing floor shifts for yet another week. It all worked out well. The 2nd floor shift was a little rough because it was so stinkin busy & the job can be very physical. Overall, I am pleased with my energy level.
I attended our annual Book Club Christmas dinner at Kathy Milnes house this year. The book was Two From Galilee. I had read this once before and thought it was a excellent pick for the month.
We had our Christmas Bunco party at Teresa's house. We an awesome dinner & treats, bought jewelry for each other from Paparazzi, then just spent time getting to know each other better.
Another night we took the grandkids to Temple Square to see the lights. Another cold night. Not quite the same experience! Too many people for sure! And too much whining from the kids. We did watch a video in the visitors center based on the christmas story found in Luke 2.
Jim and I went with Marlene and Randy to listen to the Spoken Word one Sunday morning before church.
This is just a 30 minute production, it is short and VERY sweet. We were able to hear just a snippet of the Christmas program. I would really like to try and get tickets for that next year. It is the best free and well produced Christmas event here in SLC.
Another night Staci and I took, Brielle, Rowan and Daemon to the Echoes of Christmas @ Liberty Park. It is all run by volunteer's. You are guided by shepherds to 7 stops, where the Christmas story is re-enacted by singers. Once again it was a cold night, but if you are dressed appropriately it all works. Again, it snowed ever so lightly, which added to the dimension of the presentations AND cleared the smog out from the valley. I personally like the Bonneville Christmas presentation a bit better that we went to in 2010. Rowan was quite enthralled with the experience and really wanted to be part of it for next year. The kids spent the night, early the next morning Rowan was waking me up to help her fill in my address on the Echoes of Christmas Volunteer Application internet site, which she had looked up upon waking! I know there were auditions to be a volunteer, since neither one of us can sing, I made a note at the bottom of the app. to see if they would consider us for shepherd tour guides. We shall see what comes of that!
Jim and I passed out neighbor gifts, harvest bread and jam. The work and presidency gift was a monogram journal and matching pencil. I say this, just so I remember what I did for future reference.
We had the Eccles Christmas Eve party @ Staci's. Taco Bar, fun games and white elephant exhange.
Corby was invited in person by Staci, but he did not show. Neither did Stephanie, Marci, Matt, Misti or Mandy. This was discouraging for Staci, but I think it's their loss and not too worry about it. Even if the party becomes an event for our 2 families it is worth the effort. Everyone had a great time, food was awesome! Lot's of smiles and laughs. She had the parents of the little ones bring a 10.00 gift from their santa stash, then the adults brought white elephants. The white elephant game was played a little different. We all drew a number, but then our numbers were drawn out of a can to determine who went next. When your number was drawn you could dump your white elephant to someone else, then steal (x3 max) or open a new gift. Jenni and Josh had a new game in which a gift card was wrapped in many, many layers of boxes, with many many layers of tape. We went around the circle rolling dice. If doubles were rolled then you put on thick ski gloves and made a go of trying to unwrap the gift until the next set of doubles was rolled. It was quite hilarious to watch. I think I will try this one for the PCA Christmas party next year. Also, while I am writing things down to remember, I will ask that the gift card next year be one that starts with their name initials.
Christmas morning we slept in. A little too long. Brielle was delighted with her Christmas. I think her favorite gift was the Barbie airplane. We had to race to get to the 1 hour sacrament christmas program. Which was 2 wards meeting together and the music was awesome! We made soup and rolls and sweet rolls> Staci, Jim and I went to a late movie to top off the day. We saw My Week with Marilyn.
Well I hope I captured it all. Tomorrow Jim goes to have a MOH's procedure to remove the basal cell CA removed from the side of his mouth. I, later in the day go for a tank up, which I hope is my last one. I have cancelled the last two appointments, since I hate having that done. Colleen got me off the schedule so I can go with Jim.
Next I need to concentrate on a party for Jim. He turns 60!!! on January 6th.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
A Week in a Glance November 20-27th
I am feeling stronger every day. My right arm pit and ROM is still somewhat limiting, but I feel like I am moving forward. M-W I recollect that I took the days pretty easy.
Kathie Wilde came by for a visit and brought a gift from L&D practice. It is a battery operated facial cleanser to be used in the shower. Kathie loves her. It was pink! How awesome. I have been using it faithfully for a week and do really like it.
I dropped off some thank you cards at the hospital with Brielle, on Monday. We picked out a few tags off the Christmas giving tree. She and I have gone shopping this week and got the 3 gifts purchased. Today, Nov. 27th she saw another giving tree at church, so she was excited to pick up a few more tags. There were notes on a near by poster board, explaining the families we would be helping and their circumstances. I tried to help her understand how we were helping. She was excellent at church today, unlike last week. I did not have the other kids with me today.
Tuesday we heard back from Dermatologist that Jim's biopsy on his face came back basal cell carcinoma. He will have to have this surgically removed in the doctor's office. There is no danger that this will spread systemically, but would spread across his facial dermis. We do not have an appt. for surgery as of yet.
Wednesday, Colleen dropped off an awesome scarf she had knitted, along with some out of this world cooked apples. I really, really, really liked them!!
We had a small gathering at Mom and Dad's for Thanksgiving this year. 9 Adults and 4 kids. It was extremely yummy. I made rolls, Jim worked on cooking a Turkey outside and hanging Christmas lights. Cori and her kids came over later, as well as Jaron & Summer, and Rob & Sara and all their group, so we ended up with a houseful, by evening. Corby is still at odds with the family, so we did not see or hear from him. I know he was on everyone's mind. Oh, by the way, it was mine and Kennedy's birthday this year on Thanksgiving, so Happy Birthday to us!! We celebrated over pumpkin pie!
Staci, Martha and myself went to Target for the mn Black Friday sales. We waited outside for 1 1/2 hours, weather not bad, thank goodness. I was impressed how smooth it went and how organized Target was. I saw two nurse friends at Target as well. Donna and Jessica. Mom and sister Staci went to Shopko. They also had a good experience. They did not show up until after it opened so they fore went the standing in the cold in line experience. We then came home and went to sleep around 2:30am We went back out to Toys R Us and Big 5 around 1100. I then took Staci and Martha back home. My mom, sister and I went to lunch, then did a tad more shopping. Slept good again that night!!!!!
Saturday, my friend and neighbor Marlene called and we went to a local boutique @ Aspen Ridge. Found a few unique gifts, then turned around and took Mom and Staci back later that day. Mom got some good idea's for gifts to make. Jim and I had gift certificates for a movie and dinner that we had been hanging on to for a long while. We went to dinner at Cheesecake factory, then off to see Breaking Dawn.
Came home and put up Christmas tree and Nativity. Yes, my old life is back!!!
Sunday was another beautiful day. Jim and I went over to the mall in the am, before the stores were opened and walked. Unfortunately I still cannot walk at a very fast pace, but the goal was to try & walk off some off that Thanksgiving dinner you know. I don't think Jim would say we were very successful. I was quite distracted with window shopping!!
Kathie Wilde came by for a visit and brought a gift from L&D practice. It is a battery operated facial cleanser to be used in the shower. Kathie loves her. It was pink! How awesome. I have been using it faithfully for a week and do really like it.
I dropped off some thank you cards at the hospital with Brielle, on Monday. We picked out a few tags off the Christmas giving tree. She and I have gone shopping this week and got the 3 gifts purchased. Today, Nov. 27th she saw another giving tree at church, so she was excited to pick up a few more tags. There were notes on a near by poster board, explaining the families we would be helping and their circumstances. I tried to help her understand how we were helping. She was excellent at church today, unlike last week. I did not have the other kids with me today.
Tuesday we heard back from Dermatologist that Jim's biopsy on his face came back basal cell carcinoma. He will have to have this surgically removed in the doctor's office. There is no danger that this will spread systemically, but would spread across his facial dermis. We do not have an appt. for surgery as of yet.
Wednesday, Colleen dropped off an awesome scarf she had knitted, along with some out of this world cooked apples. I really, really, really liked them!!
We had a small gathering at Mom and Dad's for Thanksgiving this year. 9 Adults and 4 kids. It was extremely yummy. I made rolls, Jim worked on cooking a Turkey outside and hanging Christmas lights. Cori and her kids came over later, as well as Jaron & Summer, and Rob & Sara and all their group, so we ended up with a houseful, by evening. Corby is still at odds with the family, so we did not see or hear from him. I know he was on everyone's mind. Oh, by the way, it was mine and Kennedy's birthday this year on Thanksgiving, so Happy Birthday to us!! We celebrated over pumpkin pie!
Staci, Martha and myself went to Target for the mn Black Friday sales. We waited outside for 1 1/2 hours, weather not bad, thank goodness. I was impressed how smooth it went and how organized Target was. I saw two nurse friends at Target as well. Donna and Jessica. Mom and sister Staci went to Shopko. They also had a good experience. They did not show up until after it opened so they fore went the standing in the cold in line experience. We then came home and went to sleep around 2:30am We went back out to Toys R Us and Big 5 around 1100. I then took Staci and Martha back home. My mom, sister and I went to lunch, then did a tad more shopping. Slept good again that night!!!!!
Saturday, my friend and neighbor Marlene called and we went to a local boutique @ Aspen Ridge. Found a few unique gifts, then turned around and took Mom and Staci back later that day. Mom got some good idea's for gifts to make. Jim and I had gift certificates for a movie and dinner that we had been hanging on to for a long while. We went to dinner at Cheesecake factory, then off to see Breaking Dawn.
Came home and put up Christmas tree and Nativity. Yes, my old life is back!!!
Sunday was another beautiful day. Jim and I went over to the mall in the am, before the stores were opened and walked. Unfortunately I still cannot walk at a very fast pace, but the goal was to try & walk off some off that Thanksgiving dinner you know. I don't think Jim would say we were very successful. I was quite distracted with window shopping!!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Nov. 17th - Nov.-19th
Wow, it gets really hard to remember what to journal when you let so much time lapse!
These are the highlights I can remember.........
Staci's date cancelled on her on her BIRTHDAY! It was not a good day. Ends up he was sick. BUT I think she liked my present to her : )
Colleen came over Thursday night and we had dinner together. She brought soup and bread, I provided salad and pie. We just sat and laughed and ate too much. She got me caught up on my work life. She brought another awesome gift from the IMC L&D unit and the L&D managers. A night at the Zermatt Resort, with breakfast and dinner!! When I write my thank-you notes I am constantly getting choked up, I tell you. The outpouring of love is just more than I can bear some days!
Dr. Chen's nurse called on Thursday and again on Friday am, November 18th asking about output from the JP drain. She was not encouraging that it would be pulled, so when I went to my appt. Friday afternoon, I was not expecting it to get pulled. But once again, there are small miracles that occur in the world everyday and mine was I got the JP drain pulled out!! Yeah!!!! Reflecting back, I am glad I did not know, thus I did not worry about how it was going to feel. It was not near as bad as my mind would have made it out to be.
I was so happy, I had a very BUSY week-end ahead of me! I will not be having any more re-constructive surgery, until February. I will go in two weeks, to receive my first injection into the expander for my 'tank up'.
Later that Friday night I went to the Time Out for Women Conference with mom held at the Salt Palace. This conference is sponsored by Desert Book. Friday, we heard from Sheri Dew, Brad Wilcox and Hillary Weeks spoke and sang. It was a cold, wet day. We had taken Trax and had to wait for 40 minutes to access a train to get home. We decided to drive the next day. Saturday was also very good, Michael Wilcox and 4 women speakers, plus the group Jericho Road entertained us. Michael Wilcox's wife died last year. He read an excerpt from a journal entry that was written in 1987. It was the only journal entry he had. It helped egg me on to keep this, my journal, going. There were 5,000 women in attendance. My purse was over loaded and it was crowded conditions. These added to my discomfort, but I felt like I did ok, and thought it was well worth the time and effort. I will plan to go next year and will be able to enjoy it even more.
Sunday was the Primary program. Sara, Rob, mom and day all came to support the kids and Jim. The program went well, Rowan sang like a little champ and Jim did awesome. They sang, Teach Me to Walk
Sharing Time went well other than Brielle was being a stinker. I had the kids write what they were grateful for on leaves, then announce their individual gratitude comment into the mike, then hang it on a pre-made tree. We then watched a 38 minutes Christmas movie and ate the sugared corn puffs I had made & bagged. Daemon and Rowan had spent the night Saturday night and Daemon worked feverishly on his Lego presents. Both had over 500 pieces in them. He is amazing with these and it is impressive to me that kids can figure these out! I don't think I could complete one successfully if my life depended on it.
After church, we then came home, Jaron, Summer and Staci joined us. We made haystacks and strawberry pretzel salad for dinner and sang happy birthday to Staci and Daemon. Whew! What a week-end. Feels like my old like creeping back in on me!
These are the highlights I can remember.........
Staci's date cancelled on her on her BIRTHDAY! It was not a good day. Ends up he was sick. BUT I think she liked my present to her : )
Colleen came over Thursday night and we had dinner together. She brought soup and bread, I provided salad and pie. We just sat and laughed and ate too much. She got me caught up on my work life. She brought another awesome gift from the IMC L&D unit and the L&D managers. A night at the Zermatt Resort, with breakfast and dinner!! When I write my thank-you notes I am constantly getting choked up, I tell you. The outpouring of love is just more than I can bear some days!
Dr. Chen's nurse called on Thursday and again on Friday am, November 18th asking about output from the JP drain. She was not encouraging that it would be pulled, so when I went to my appt. Friday afternoon, I was not expecting it to get pulled. But once again, there are small miracles that occur in the world everyday and mine was I got the JP drain pulled out!! Yeah!!!! Reflecting back, I am glad I did not know, thus I did not worry about how it was going to feel. It was not near as bad as my mind would have made it out to be.
I was so happy, I had a very BUSY week-end ahead of me! I will not be having any more re-constructive surgery, until February. I will go in two weeks, to receive my first injection into the expander for my 'tank up'.
Later that Friday night I went to the Time Out for Women Conference with mom held at the Salt Palace. This conference is sponsored by Desert Book. Friday, we heard from Sheri Dew, Brad Wilcox and Hillary Weeks spoke and sang. It was a cold, wet day. We had taken Trax and had to wait for 40 minutes to access a train to get home. We decided to drive the next day. Saturday was also very good, Michael Wilcox and 4 women speakers, plus the group Jericho Road entertained us. Michael Wilcox's wife died last year. He read an excerpt from a journal entry that was written in 1987. It was the only journal entry he had. It helped egg me on to keep this, my journal, going. There were 5,000 women in attendance. My purse was over loaded and it was crowded conditions. These added to my discomfort, but I felt like I did ok, and thought it was well worth the time and effort. I will plan to go next year and will be able to enjoy it even more.
Sunday was the Primary program. Sara, Rob, mom and day all came to support the kids and Jim. The program went well, Rowan sang like a little champ and Jim did awesome. They sang, Teach Me to Walk
Sharing Time went well other than Brielle was being a stinker. I had the kids write what they were grateful for on leaves, then announce their individual gratitude comment into the mike, then hang it on a pre-made tree. We then watched a 38 minutes Christmas movie and ate the sugared corn puffs I had made & bagged. Daemon and Rowan had spent the night Saturday night and Daemon worked feverishly on his Lego presents. Both had over 500 pieces in them. He is amazing with these and it is impressive to me that kids can figure these out! I don't think I could complete one successfully if my life depended on it.
After church, we then came home, Jaron, Summer and Staci joined us. We made haystacks and strawberry pretzel salad for dinner and sang happy birthday to Staci and Daemon. Whew! What a week-end. Feels like my old like creeping back in on me!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Shopping Day November 16th
Last night I forgot to mention I went to a Relief Society Christmas Social with my mom at her ward. It was very simple, but good & their Bishop spoke with them. I got a call just as I was going to leave from my friend Monica inviting me to go to our ward's enrichment night! That is the 2nd time I have done that! Gone with mom, instead of supporting my own ward.
I really need to stay more aware of these enrichment activities and make a better effort to support them, socialize and learn from what they offer.
Today, I went shopping. I have learned how to tuck the JP drain out of sight pretty well and load up on Aleve and 1/2 a codeine and off I go. My pace is quite slow, I realize when compared to other walkers/shoppers, but slow and steady gets the job done right?
Tomorrow is Staci's birthday and I still need to figure out something for Sharing Time this Sunday. This Sunday is the Primary Program. Jim and Rowan are singing a duet, "Teach Me to Walk". I am in charge of Sharing Time, since I have not helped with the program at all, I feel like this is the least I can offer.
Another awesome friend, Shauna from work came by with a meal and a poinsettia. She is over the bereavement program at work and has always been a great listener. Once again, I am in awe of the support I continue to receive.
Off to shop. Jim goes with me to the mall. I have already bought Staci, some ReVital Lash, just looking for a few more items to augment the gift. I went into the brand new H&M store and end up with a gift certificate. I bought a silver zippered bag, thru in some socks, lotion and a card and called it good. The parking at the Fashion Place Mall is getting more difficult all the time! I wish I could take advantage of a handicap stall today. Jim needs to get back home to get ready for work, so I drop him off and venture out alone.
Next off to the Deseret Book store and Michaels. I pick up a DVD and some construction paper. I found a cute idea for Christmas gifts for the coordinating council @ work and the women I work with in the Primary presidency. I ran into a old friend, Jeanine Dodge. She has always been so fun to visit and talk with. She has retired from the hospital, but is working in home health. She has a massive bruise on her thigh, arm and face, from trying to help her husband with a trailer. It was good to see her and visit for a bit.
I fully intended to go next to DSW, the shoe store, but found myself running out of steam & I was quite hungry. I went home for a quick lunch and rest, then picked up Brielle, DJ and Rowan.
We ate the dinner that Shauna had brought over, then took DJ to scouts. Staci went with me and we headed off to Target to get new church shoes for Rowan and Brielle and a birthday present for DJ.
Let's just say, I slept well.
I really need to stay more aware of these enrichment activities and make a better effort to support them, socialize and learn from what they offer.
Today, I went shopping. I have learned how to tuck the JP drain out of sight pretty well and load up on Aleve and 1/2 a codeine and off I go. My pace is quite slow, I realize when compared to other walkers/shoppers, but slow and steady gets the job done right?
Tomorrow is Staci's birthday and I still need to figure out something for Sharing Time this Sunday. This Sunday is the Primary Program. Jim and Rowan are singing a duet, "Teach Me to Walk". I am in charge of Sharing Time, since I have not helped with the program at all, I feel like this is the least I can offer.
Another awesome friend, Shauna from work came by with a meal and a poinsettia. She is over the bereavement program at work and has always been a great listener. Once again, I am in awe of the support I continue to receive.
Off to shop. Jim goes with me to the mall. I have already bought Staci, some ReVital Lash, just looking for a few more items to augment the gift. I went into the brand new H&M store and end up with a gift certificate. I bought a silver zippered bag, thru in some socks, lotion and a card and called it good. The parking at the Fashion Place Mall is getting more difficult all the time! I wish I could take advantage of a handicap stall today. Jim needs to get back home to get ready for work, so I drop him off and venture out alone.
Next off to the Deseret Book store and Michaels. I pick up a DVD and some construction paper. I found a cute idea for Christmas gifts for the coordinating council @ work and the women I work with in the Primary presidency. I ran into a old friend, Jeanine Dodge. She has always been so fun to visit and talk with. She has retired from the hospital, but is working in home health. She has a massive bruise on her thigh, arm and face, from trying to help her husband with a trailer. It was good to see her and visit for a bit.
I fully intended to go next to DSW, the shoe store, but found myself running out of steam & I was quite hungry. I went home for a quick lunch and rest, then picked up Brielle, DJ and Rowan.
We ate the dinner that Shauna had brought over, then took DJ to scouts. Staci went with me and we headed off to Target to get new church shoes for Rowan and Brielle and a birthday present for DJ.
Let's just say, I slept well.
November 15th, Tuesday Jim's Turn for Uncertainity
I called this am and cancelled my appt. with Dr. Chen. I believe the purpose of the appt. was to pull my JP drain. The goal was to get the drainage to clear fluid and 15 ml or less per day. Reality is the fluid is still old blood and 35 to 45 ml's per day. The JP is still doing it's job and draining the hematoma, albeit I can tell the fluid is getting lighter and the amount is decreasing, but I feel like she will not pull it today, so why go in? I called the office and asked if I could have an appt. for later in the week. After a brief Q&A, they agreed to move the appt. to Friday.
Jim has an appt. with a dermatologist today to get a specific sore on the right side of his mustache area checked out. We are wary of cancer these days! The blemish/sore refuses to heal over the past 6 months. The appt. went well, they took a biopsy of this area and freeze dried several area's on his forehead, arms and back. We will need to wait a week for the results. Time to wait it out again!
I baby sat Kaia this afternoon, since she has been running a fever she could not go to her usual daycare. Sara had to take Daemon to his counseling appointment. Kaia is such a stinker and so smart. She loves to play in water and to mimic others, especially other children.
I find it amazing how fast the days are going by!
Jim has an appt. with a dermatologist today to get a specific sore on the right side of his mustache area checked out. We are wary of cancer these days! The blemish/sore refuses to heal over the past 6 months. The appt. went well, they took a biopsy of this area and freeze dried several area's on his forehead, arms and back. We will need to wait a week for the results. Time to wait it out again!
I baby sat Kaia this afternoon, since she has been running a fever she could not go to her usual daycare. Sara had to take Daemon to his counseling appointment. Kaia is such a stinker and so smart. She loves to play in water and to mimic others, especially other children.
I find it amazing how fast the days are going by!
November 14th A Cloud is Lifting
I can feel my old self emerging. It's most interesting, to come out of this cloud of fear, pain and doubt.
Today, another good friend from work, Claudia came by and brought me dinner and a gift. She is so generous, loving and kind.
I went to Bunco tonight, even drove myself. I must admit, driving is quite uncomfortable, but not impossible.
I won "Travel", so the evening paid for itself. Lot's of good food, good people and good laughs.
Today, another good friend from work, Claudia came by and brought me dinner and a gift. She is so generous, loving and kind.
I went to Bunco tonight, even drove myself. I must admit, driving is quite uncomfortable, but not impossible.
I won "Travel", so the evening paid for itself. Lot's of good food, good people and good laughs.
Friday, November 11, 2011
November 11th A New Day in my Known Recovery
It was such a beautiful sunny morning when I walked into the family room. I saw several flocks of geese flying over head and enjoyed the beauty of the morning and the mountains.
I am alone and enjoy the moment to sit with my book in the sun and read, read, read.
I feel like I have learned how loved and blessed that I am. That, with my lessons in patience I have gained more experience and this has lead to a greater capacity to have hope, love & have faith. I acknowledge I have a long road ahead of me with the virtue of patience!
I know that I would have learned to cope with whatever my outcome was, but I feel grateful that I dodged a big bullet.
I went to Seagull Book with Jim to look for a movie for Primary, then had a great visit with Teresa back at the house. She brought me..................... Homemade bread and wild rice chicken soup : )
I am alone and enjoy the moment to sit with my book in the sun and read, read, read.
I feel like I have learned how loved and blessed that I am. That, with my lessons in patience I have gained more experience and this has lead to a greater capacity to have hope, love & have faith. I acknowledge I have a long road ahead of me with the virtue of patience!
I know that I would have learned to cope with whatever my outcome was, but I feel grateful that I dodged a big bullet.
I went to Seagull Book with Jim to look for a movie for Primary, then had a great visit with Teresa back at the house. She brought me..................... Homemade bread and wild rice chicken soup : )
November 10th Good News Day< A month of waiting is over!
Feeling sore, but better every day. Morning is hardest, after lying still all night I am stiff and sore, just like any surgery.
3pm FINALLY arrived. Jim, Mom, Summer and myself took off for appt. with oncologist.
Upon arrival to the office we were told my appt. had been scheduled for 2:15. Seriously??
I've been watching the clock all day, slowly ticking away. I was So glad that I had brought my packet with me that had the time on it, that their staff had written. In addition, I stated that I had not received a reminder phone call on the 9th or this could have been corrected at that point. I was firm that I did not want to wait another week for this appt. After a few minutes of waiting they verified that the staff member that had made my appt. was a "temp" and had made several mistakes. They agreed to meet with me. We had to wait over an hour, but it was worth it. This also allowed sister Staci to finish up her shift and join the clan.
Dr. Litton spent an hour with us. The visit was to focus on what the 4 invasive biopsies meant for me, not the DCIS. He wrote 3 pages of diagrams, pictures and notes explaining the biology of cancer, risk factors and treatment options. He took us on an emotional roller coaster ride, but I enjoyed learning all he was offering. It was like getting the puzzle pieces to all fit together.
The short version of his visit is the following.There are 4 risk factors they look at when determining treatment
1. Size of the invasive cancer.
2. Lymph Node findings
3. Hormone and HER2 receptor findings
4. Tumor cell features ( Grade of the cancer 1-3 )
My Findings:
1. Low Risk All 4 of my biopsies were well less than 1 cm. They are identified as "microinvasive". He described my situation as the large DCIS mass as a car in the garage idling. Microinvasion, indicates the car is backing out of the drive way. "Invasive" cancer is on the street and possibly the free way (systemic ).
2. Low Risk All 3 of the axilla nodes they pulled were negative. ( Not on the freeway )
3. High Risk When looking at these 3 receptor cells, it is best to have positive estrogen and progesterone receptors, mine were negative. Conversely, it is best to have a negative HER2 receptor, mine was positive
4. High Risk My microinvasive cancer was a Grade 3, which is fast growing and follows the result of the positive HER2 finding.
He said that within 2 months, my outcome would have been different. Once again I am blessed this was discovered so early!
So NOW what? 50/50 on the risk factors!
Fortunately, the top 2 risk factors weigh heavier than the bottom two. So it tipped the scale in my favor!
Mastectomy is the answer with NO follow up therapy! I feel so blessed and grateful!
There was an audible sigh of relief in the room. Jim said, " That's what I've been telling her, I just didn't have any thing to back me up!" I was never so happy for him to be right!
I have a 15-20% chance of re-occurence in the left breast. Careful screening will be done. I meet with Dr. Litton again in 5 months to set this up.
So, I can now focus on my immediate future! Get the hematoma healed up, drain pulled and schedule appt.'s/surgeries to get the "creature" off my chest and most importantly getting my life back. Playing with grandkids, shopping, getting ready for Christmas, getting back to work, getting back to church, re-gaining my energy/strength, cooking, actually getting something done on the FMLA leave, like cleaning out drawers, I am dizzy and grateful with the possibilities! And being a better person!!
3pm FINALLY arrived. Jim, Mom, Summer and myself took off for appt. with oncologist.
Upon arrival to the office we were told my appt. had been scheduled for 2:15. Seriously??
I've been watching the clock all day, slowly ticking away. I was So glad that I had brought my packet with me that had the time on it, that their staff had written. In addition, I stated that I had not received a reminder phone call on the 9th or this could have been corrected at that point. I was firm that I did not want to wait another week for this appt. After a few minutes of waiting they verified that the staff member that had made my appt. was a "temp" and had made several mistakes. They agreed to meet with me. We had to wait over an hour, but it was worth it. This also allowed sister Staci to finish up her shift and join the clan.
Dr. Litton spent an hour with us. The visit was to focus on what the 4 invasive biopsies meant for me, not the DCIS. He wrote 3 pages of diagrams, pictures and notes explaining the biology of cancer, risk factors and treatment options. He took us on an emotional roller coaster ride, but I enjoyed learning all he was offering. It was like getting the puzzle pieces to all fit together.
The short version of his visit is the following.There are 4 risk factors they look at when determining treatment
1. Size of the invasive cancer.
2. Lymph Node findings
3. Hormone and HER2 receptor findings
4. Tumor cell features ( Grade of the cancer 1-3 )
My Findings:
1. Low Risk All 4 of my biopsies were well less than 1 cm. They are identified as "microinvasive". He described my situation as the large DCIS mass as a car in the garage idling. Microinvasion, indicates the car is backing out of the drive way. "Invasive" cancer is on the street and possibly the free way (systemic ).
2. Low Risk All 3 of the axilla nodes they pulled were negative. ( Not on the freeway )
3. High Risk When looking at these 3 receptor cells, it is best to have positive estrogen and progesterone receptors, mine were negative. Conversely, it is best to have a negative HER2 receptor, mine was positive
4. High Risk My microinvasive cancer was a Grade 3, which is fast growing and follows the result of the positive HER2 finding.
He said that within 2 months, my outcome would have been different. Once again I am blessed this was discovered so early!
So NOW what? 50/50 on the risk factors!
Fortunately, the top 2 risk factors weigh heavier than the bottom two. So it tipped the scale in my favor!
Mastectomy is the answer with NO follow up therapy! I feel so blessed and grateful!
There was an audible sigh of relief in the room. Jim said, " That's what I've been telling her, I just didn't have any thing to back me up!" I was never so happy for him to be right!
I have a 15-20% chance of re-occurence in the left breast. Careful screening will be done. I meet with Dr. Litton again in 5 months to set this up.
So, I can now focus on my immediate future! Get the hematoma healed up, drain pulled and schedule appt.'s/surgeries to get the "creature" off my chest and most importantly getting my life back. Playing with grandkids, shopping, getting ready for Christmas, getting back to work, getting back to church, re-gaining my energy/strength, cooking, actually getting something done on the FMLA leave, like cleaning out drawers, I am dizzy and grateful with the possibilities! And being a better person!!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
It's Cookie Day! Wednesday Nov. 9th
Stayed home all day without a sitter. I did very well, I might add.
Colleen and Bonnie came my with 1st plate of cookies for the day as well as another amazing dinner for tonight & a beautiful scarf. They stayed and visited for a while. I felt good, so it was nice to visit.
About 1 1/2 hours later, Lucinda, a friend from high school and my old ward came over with a plate of cookies! We also visited for quite a while. It was fun to chat and get caught up with both of our lives.
I had every intention of driving out to get DJ and Ro, which is what I do every Wed. so DJ can attend scouts, when I got a series of phone calls tying me up on the phone for 45-60 minutes. By the time I got off the phone it was too late to drive out. I called Sara and she agreed to bring DJ, Ro and Rachel over for a visit, so DJ could go to scouts. I bribed her with an awesome home made chicken pie : ). I also had very soft chewy brownies and cookies. Brielle wanted to make more cookies, if you can believe it!
After the kids left, I got a visit from a darling neighbor, Jen, who brought.............. Guess what??????
Cookies!!!! We fortunately are a cookie eating family. Have no fear everyone of these cookies will be eaten. I think it was Sunday night, my dad brought over cookies as well. Not one has gone to waste.
I am glad I had a good day. It's amazing to me, that the timing of the visitors and cookies worked out so well, with my appetite and energy level. The Codeine is working well. I am only taking 1/2 of a pill @ a time, so I am still being very cautious.
PS
Both Sara and Staci were appalled that I thought I could drive myself around tonight. They think I don't know how loopy I am. I personally was more worried about being sore and moving my arm, than being loopy.
Well, I am now all caught up with my journaling. Yeah! It is probably a good thing I get these long breaks in between bits of life changing news. It gives me time to mentally adjust and more forward with better perspective and strength.
Let's see what tomorrow brings.
Colleen and Bonnie came my with 1st plate of cookies for the day as well as another amazing dinner for tonight & a beautiful scarf. They stayed and visited for a while. I felt good, so it was nice to visit.
About 1 1/2 hours later, Lucinda, a friend from high school and my old ward came over with a plate of cookies! We also visited for quite a while. It was fun to chat and get caught up with both of our lives.
I had every intention of driving out to get DJ and Ro, which is what I do every Wed. so DJ can attend scouts, when I got a series of phone calls tying me up on the phone for 45-60 minutes. By the time I got off the phone it was too late to drive out. I called Sara and she agreed to bring DJ, Ro and Rachel over for a visit, so DJ could go to scouts. I bribed her with an awesome home made chicken pie : ). I also had very soft chewy brownies and cookies. Brielle wanted to make more cookies, if you can believe it!
After the kids left, I got a visit from a darling neighbor, Jen, who brought.............. Guess what??????
Cookies!!!! We fortunately are a cookie eating family. Have no fear everyone of these cookies will be eaten. I think it was Sunday night, my dad brought over cookies as well. Not one has gone to waste.
I am glad I had a good day. It's amazing to me, that the timing of the visitors and cookies worked out so well, with my appetite and energy level. The Codeine is working well. I am only taking 1/2 of a pill @ a time, so I am still being very cautious.
PS
Both Sara and Staci were appalled that I thought I could drive myself around tonight. They think I don't know how loopy I am. I personally was more worried about being sore and moving my arm, than being loopy.
Well, I am now all caught up with my journaling. Yeah! It is probably a good thing I get these long breaks in between bits of life changing news. It gives me time to mentally adjust and more forward with better perspective and strength.
Let's see what tomorrow brings.
Big Day Out Tuesday Nov. 8th
I had two doctor appt.'s today. I was hopeful, maybe we would get some final answers today. No such luck!
Mom and Staci picked me up @ 0900. We went to L&D so I could post the results of an audit & drop off a few thank you cards.
Waited 1 hr. 40 minutes to see Dr. Price. He is nice enough, but running way behind and anxious to being get out of town again. The nurse gave me some Tylenol, because she said I looked like I was hurting. You think? Pain has been my constant companion now for 7 or 8 days & I don't like pain meds. Dr. Price said he would call Dr. Linton, the oncologist, to make sure my case is reviewed Thursday morning at the tumor board & that I need to keep the appt. The appt. with Dr. Linton is tomorrow. Dr. Price won't say what he thinks oncology will prescribe, but he thinks I may get out of the radiation. Jim would be happy to hear that!! He told me the HER2 receptor was positive, which is not necessarily good. The progesterone and estrogen receptors came out out negative again so I still don't think I am a candidate for the hormone therapy.
Since it was so late when we left Dr. Price , we ate lunch in the cafeteria. I ran into an old nurse friend that had breast cancer 7 years ago. She shared with me her experience and story and other nurses that have had this journey. Man, it's everywhere.We have an epidemic going on!
I came home and took a nap. Mom and Staci went shopping.
Got up and went to see Dr. Chen, the plastic surgeon, with Jim, mom and Staci. She is always very nice and thorough. She said I had excessive bruising and had a hematoma. My drain is still putting out quite a bit of bloody fluid, so she will not pull it today, since it is helping to drain the hematoma. I am glad it is there, because all that leaking blood inside would be adding to my discomfort. I am very tender, on the upper right quadrant of my 'creature', under my armpit and posterior part of my arm down to my elbow. My nerve endings feel on fire much of the time in this area. Other wise I feel like my 'creature' is a tight band sitting on my chest. I feel like I am engorged with milk on both sides and having a 'let down'. Those sensations are common with breast augmentations though.
The Dr. suggests I massage the area, and keep working my right arm to keep the strength in it. She also will not try to guess what my future plan of care will be. She said if the margins of the invasive carcinoma were on the anterior side they may recommend more skin dissection. She also mentioned another hormonal drug that sounded something like Hermoxifin. If I have radiation she will not do any thing with re-construction until it is all over. The reason for this is to see how much the skin heals and if I have bad adhesions from the radiation & how the cavity for the implant looks. She showed me where the port is located in the breast expanders for my "tank ups". Unfortunately they are under the skin, so sounds like I will be subject to more pokes in my future. I will see her in a week again.
Jim remains confident that I will not need any more intervention than the mastectomy. We all pray he is right.
My mood has been stable all day. I got more Zofran from Dr. Price and I am going to try Tylenol with Codeine for pain now.
I had a totally awesome dinner brought over by Diane and Vee Butterfield. It tasted so good! I luckily had a good appetite that night. I am soooooo surrounded by the greatest neighbors, friends and family.
Thank you!!!!
Mom and Staci picked me up @ 0900. We went to L&D so I could post the results of an audit & drop off a few thank you cards.
Waited 1 hr. 40 minutes to see Dr. Price. He is nice enough, but running way behind and anxious to being get out of town again. The nurse gave me some Tylenol, because she said I looked like I was hurting. You think? Pain has been my constant companion now for 7 or 8 days & I don't like pain meds. Dr. Price said he would call Dr. Linton, the oncologist, to make sure my case is reviewed Thursday morning at the tumor board & that I need to keep the appt. The appt. with Dr. Linton is tomorrow. Dr. Price won't say what he thinks oncology will prescribe, but he thinks I may get out of the radiation. Jim would be happy to hear that!! He told me the HER2 receptor was positive, which is not necessarily good. The progesterone and estrogen receptors came out out negative again so I still don't think I am a candidate for the hormone therapy.
Since it was so late when we left Dr. Price , we ate lunch in the cafeteria. I ran into an old nurse friend that had breast cancer 7 years ago. She shared with me her experience and story and other nurses that have had this journey. Man, it's everywhere.We have an epidemic going on!
I came home and took a nap. Mom and Staci went shopping.
Got up and went to see Dr. Chen, the plastic surgeon, with Jim, mom and Staci. She is always very nice and thorough. She said I had excessive bruising and had a hematoma. My drain is still putting out quite a bit of bloody fluid, so she will not pull it today, since it is helping to drain the hematoma. I am glad it is there, because all that leaking blood inside would be adding to my discomfort. I am very tender, on the upper right quadrant of my 'creature', under my armpit and posterior part of my arm down to my elbow. My nerve endings feel on fire much of the time in this area. Other wise I feel like my 'creature' is a tight band sitting on my chest. I feel like I am engorged with milk on both sides and having a 'let down'. Those sensations are common with breast augmentations though.
The Dr. suggests I massage the area, and keep working my right arm to keep the strength in it. She also will not try to guess what my future plan of care will be. She said if the margins of the invasive carcinoma were on the anterior side they may recommend more skin dissection. She also mentioned another hormonal drug that sounded something like Hermoxifin. If I have radiation she will not do any thing with re-construction until it is all over. The reason for this is to see how much the skin heals and if I have bad adhesions from the radiation & how the cavity for the implant looks. She showed me where the port is located in the breast expanders for my "tank ups". Unfortunately they are under the skin, so sounds like I will be subject to more pokes in my future. I will see her in a week again.
Jim remains confident that I will not need any more intervention than the mastectomy. We all pray he is right.
My mood has been stable all day. I got more Zofran from Dr. Price and I am going to try Tylenol with Codeine for pain now.
I had a totally awesome dinner brought over by Diane and Vee Butterfield. It tasted so good! I luckily had a good appetite that night. I am soooooo surrounded by the greatest neighbors, friends and family.
Thank you!!!!
Sunday and Monday November 6th & 7th
Now that it is Wednesday I am quickly losing track of days, so it's a challenge to journal. I just looked back and saw that it snowed on Saturday. I had already forgotten that! In fact, I thought tonight I was still in October. Man, I think I need a MRI of my brain! Why would I ever want to repeat October of 2011?
My memory of Sunday was it was a nice day, nausea off and on. Jenni and Josh and their cute kids came for a visit. They vacillated between bringing me a Subway gift card or a Starbucks gift card. They decided on the Subway card. Actually was a good call, which surprised Josh. When I get my appetite back good and strong I want to get a subway breakfast one morning. I like those! Brielle was delighted to have company and the three kids went outside to make a snowman.
The Yorganson brother's came over and administered the sacrament to me. I love when they do that! It's the best sacrament ever. I hear the Primary program practice was pretty rough. Getting ready for a primary sacrament is a true test of Faith! We ate Teresa's really yummy honey lime Enchilda's and some Mexican rice Jim made up.
Monday
I struggled with nausea most of the day. I will not take the Lortab. It is making me crazy. I only have one Zofran left and I am saving it for night time. Sara & Rob have under loaded their extra pain pills on me, hoping I can find something I can tolerate. I asked Staci to look them all up. I am not familiar with some of them and at this point I am scared of all of them.
Colleen came to visit and brought creamy vegetable soup. I do remember eating it later in the evening with my Zofran and it was really, really good.
Lon, our financial advisor and friend came over to see me in the evening and brought Great Harvest Bread and jam. He was really trying to visit the Blacks, but they are struggling with a terrible flu. It was good to see him.
I think me and my 'creature' were just a big lump all day.
My memory of Sunday was it was a nice day, nausea off and on. Jenni and Josh and their cute kids came for a visit. They vacillated between bringing me a Subway gift card or a Starbucks gift card. They decided on the Subway card. Actually was a good call, which surprised Josh. When I get my appetite back good and strong I want to get a subway breakfast one morning. I like those! Brielle was delighted to have company and the three kids went outside to make a snowman.
The Yorganson brother's came over and administered the sacrament to me. I love when they do that! It's the best sacrament ever. I hear the Primary program practice was pretty rough. Getting ready for a primary sacrament is a true test of Faith! We ate Teresa's really yummy honey lime Enchilda's and some Mexican rice Jim made up.
Monday
I struggled with nausea most of the day. I will not take the Lortab. It is making me crazy. I only have one Zofran left and I am saving it for night time. Sara & Rob have under loaded their extra pain pills on me, hoping I can find something I can tolerate. I asked Staci to look them all up. I am not familiar with some of them and at this point I am scared of all of them.
Colleen came to visit and brought creamy vegetable soup. I do remember eating it later in the evening with my Zofran and it was really, really good.
Lon, our financial advisor and friend came over to see me in the evening and brought Great Harvest Bread and jam. He was really trying to visit the Blacks, but they are struggling with a terrible flu. It was good to see him.
I think me and my 'creature' were just a big lump all day.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Snowy Saturday
Welcome Winter!
Beautiful clean sky's, several inches of snow on the ground.
As I sit in the sun, I look over at the fun flowers I have received. The newest addition are some that Marci and Curtis brought over. Marci and her sister are very gifted artists & the cutest mom's. Marci brought over a cloth flower bouquet that her sister sells on Etsy. It is quite amazing and fits right in with the other arrangements on my mantle. They came by last night, with their 3 three kids, so cute! Two of the 3 kids were born on birthdays that we have. Kennedy will be 8 years old on November 24th (my birthday) and Grady will be a 1 year old on November 17th, Staci's birthday! It's nice to keep all these birthdays so easy. They are very accomodating like that! :)
Jim, Mom and I went up to LDSH to visit my niece. She has been hospitalized with a bowel resection due to complication with Krohns Disease. It was a good visit, it was good to see her and her husband again. Great people. I wish her the very best in dealing with this disease. She is strong and healthy and has done well over the past 18 years since her original dx (diagnosis).
From the hospital we went to Sara's house to visit with my Zaugg grandchildren. DJ and Ro were with their father. We collected this year's school pictures, then headed out. I became very nauseated and tired.
Came home and took a nap, then ate dinner. I struggled with nausea the rest of the evening. I don't think I should have eaten. Very discouraging. I hate nausea.
Jim finally tucked me in, then read to me from my " I need thee every hour book". It was very comforting & I slept well with the aide of Ambien & comforting words of the atonement in my head. I'm afraid of the Lorab (though my children keep lecturing me about staying on top of my pain). But I still have my other problem!!
Beautiful clean sky's, several inches of snow on the ground.
As I sit in the sun, I look over at the fun flowers I have received. The newest addition are some that Marci and Curtis brought over. Marci and her sister are very gifted artists & the cutest mom's. Marci brought over a cloth flower bouquet that her sister sells on Etsy. It is quite amazing and fits right in with the other arrangements on my mantle. They came by last night, with their 3 three kids, so cute! Two of the 3 kids were born on birthdays that we have. Kennedy will be 8 years old on November 24th (my birthday) and Grady will be a 1 year old on November 17th, Staci's birthday! It's nice to keep all these birthdays so easy. They are very accomodating like that! :)
Jim, Mom and I went up to LDSH to visit my niece. She has been hospitalized with a bowel resection due to complication with Krohns Disease. It was a good visit, it was good to see her and her husband again. Great people. I wish her the very best in dealing with this disease. She is strong and healthy and has done well over the past 18 years since her original dx (diagnosis).
From the hospital we went to Sara's house to visit with my Zaugg grandchildren. DJ and Ro were with their father. We collected this year's school pictures, then headed out. I became very nauseated and tired.
Came home and took a nap, then ate dinner. I struggled with nausea the rest of the evening. I don't think I should have eaten. Very discouraging. I hate nausea.
Jim finally tucked me in, then read to me from my " I need thee every hour book". It was very comforting & I slept well with the aide of Ambien & comforting words of the atonement in my head. I'm afraid of the Lorab (though my children keep lecturing me about staying on top of my pain). But I still have my other problem!!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Nov. 3rd & 4th from perspective on Saturday am.
Thursday, I received a message on my phone from the surgeons office to call them back regarding the pathology report. I went on line instead and read the report repeatedly. The report was very thorough, but there is danger in trying to read, or better yet, trying to 'read things into' a report.
There were 3 axilla nodes removed and all 3 were negative, which is great. The microcalcification mass was 11cmX10cmX3.5cm in size, which is huge. To demonstrate just how huge that is, Jim made a clay model for Staci and Summer, though he says the thickness is not accurate.
There were 19 biopsies done, 15 of the biopsies showed the Comedo DCIS, and 4 of the biopsies showed microinvasive ductual carcinoma. All were measured within 0.1cm or less to the margin. The margins were declared 'free of tumor'. There were samples sent for the progesterone, estrogen and HER2 receptor cells once again. My diagnosed tumor was negative for these receptor cells, which basically means I would not be a good candidate for the cancer hormone treatment that they offer.
I then called the office back and asked if there was any significance to the 4 invasive slides. The nurse told me she wasn't certain, but felt like it meant a change in my follow up care plan would need to occur and that I should make an appt. with the oncologist. She said it typically takes 3-4 weeks to to get in. She told me my case had not made it to the tumor board that morning, because the results had come back too late, but would be discussed next Thursday. I asked if I could/should cancel my appt with the surgeon on Tuesday, until after it had gone to the tumor board. She said, no he will want to look at the incisions. Heck, I can look at the incisions. I needed different information! Ok, fine. I will find out my needed information in another avenue. Patience is not one of my virtues!
Well let's just say I was not prepared to hear the words "a change to my follow up plan of care". I marched over to the IMC/Huntsman Cancer Center with mom and Staci in tow. I had several contained embarassing melt downs in the cancer library and the oncologist office. Everyone that had to deal with me was very appropriate. No offense, but I just don't want to be a patient in the waiting room of an oncologist.
Long story short, I did get an appt. with an oncologist next Thursday. I am hoping I can cancel it after I see Dr. Price, the surgeon on Tuesday. I called Dr. Brown, my OB, and she did talk with me for quite a while. She also felt like radiation may be in my future, but not chemo. She wants me to get some Milk of Magnesia. Well off the subject, but that is another problem I am having. Jim is certain, the plan of care will NOT be changing and all I need to really worry about is the Milk of Mag problem.
I received more love and support in the afternoon. Cheri came to visit and brought me a Chai tea, frozen dinner and lotion & a card from my PCA staff. Colleen came over to visit in the evening. She got me caught up with work & brought a beautiful bracelet from Trina. She is an awesome friend. Colleen's face was funny because she had been to the dermatologist where they had treated her with liquid nitrogen & now her face was reddeded her up a bit.
Marlene and Kristi brought in dinner & their love. AVH Women's Center sent a planter, or was that Wed.?????
What I am saying is, I am so loved and supported and grateful, and of course I knew that there may be a change in the plan in care that's what the pathology report is for. I am just evolving and learning about myself that I am still in denial, or that I will only play this game with certain parameters. Once again, loss of control is icky. I am already tired of all of this!
Friday, I stayed down and stayed sad. Staci & Bruce offered to bring in fajita's for dinner & a funny movie. I received a gorgeous planter from the IMC. Mom came over to spend the day with me. Her and Brielle burnt popcorn, so the house was smelling interesting, when a SECOND dinner showed up, which was embarrassing. I didn't know I was getting more dinners from the ward than the 3 nights. This dinner came from some more of my cute neighbors. Chicken Cordon Bleu, yummy! For sure my family and I are loved and WELL fed.
I'm not sure what to do about pain control. I am always stingy with things, so thus I am with pain medication for myself. I was hurting quite bad when I went to bed, which makes me more emotional. I vow tomorrow to stay on top of this pain and my emotions. I went to bed reading my book "I Need Thee Every Hour". Colleen had text'ed earlier in the evening with a good quote from the book. I also woke this morning early and picked up the book and started reading.
Today, I feel good, much better, much stronger. I like these days better!
There were 3 axilla nodes removed and all 3 were negative, which is great. The microcalcification mass was 11cmX10cmX3.5cm in size, which is huge. To demonstrate just how huge that is, Jim made a clay model for Staci and Summer, though he says the thickness is not accurate.
There were 19 biopsies done, 15 of the biopsies showed the Comedo DCIS, and 4 of the biopsies showed microinvasive ductual carcinoma. All were measured within 0.1cm or less to the margin. The margins were declared 'free of tumor'. There were samples sent for the progesterone, estrogen and HER2 receptor cells once again. My diagnosed tumor was negative for these receptor cells, which basically means I would not be a good candidate for the cancer hormone treatment that they offer.
I then called the office back and asked if there was any significance to the 4 invasive slides. The nurse told me she wasn't certain, but felt like it meant a change in my follow up care plan would need to occur and that I should make an appt. with the oncologist. She said it typically takes 3-4 weeks to to get in. She told me my case had not made it to the tumor board that morning, because the results had come back too late, but would be discussed next Thursday. I asked if I could/should cancel my appt with the surgeon on Tuesday, until after it had gone to the tumor board. She said, no he will want to look at the incisions. Heck, I can look at the incisions. I needed different information! Ok, fine. I will find out my needed information in another avenue. Patience is not one of my virtues!
Well let's just say I was not prepared to hear the words "a change to my follow up plan of care". I marched over to the IMC/Huntsman Cancer Center with mom and Staci in tow. I had several contained embarassing melt downs in the cancer library and the oncologist office. Everyone that had to deal with me was very appropriate. No offense, but I just don't want to be a patient in the waiting room of an oncologist.
Long story short, I did get an appt. with an oncologist next Thursday. I am hoping I can cancel it after I see Dr. Price, the surgeon on Tuesday. I called Dr. Brown, my OB, and she did talk with me for quite a while. She also felt like radiation may be in my future, but not chemo. She wants me to get some Milk of Magnesia. Well off the subject, but that is another problem I am having. Jim is certain, the plan of care will NOT be changing and all I need to really worry about is the Milk of Mag problem.
I received more love and support in the afternoon. Cheri came to visit and brought me a Chai tea, frozen dinner and lotion & a card from my PCA staff. Colleen came over to visit in the evening. She got me caught up with work & brought a beautiful bracelet from Trina. She is an awesome friend. Colleen's face was funny because she had been to the dermatologist where they had treated her with liquid nitrogen & now her face was reddeded her up a bit.
Marlene and Kristi brought in dinner & their love. AVH Women's Center sent a planter, or was that Wed.?????
What I am saying is, I am so loved and supported and grateful, and of course I knew that there may be a change in the plan in care that's what the pathology report is for. I am just evolving and learning about myself that I am still in denial, or that I will only play this game with certain parameters. Once again, loss of control is icky. I am already tired of all of this!
Friday, I stayed down and stayed sad. Staci & Bruce offered to bring in fajita's for dinner & a funny movie. I received a gorgeous planter from the IMC. Mom came over to spend the day with me. Her and Brielle burnt popcorn, so the house was smelling interesting, when a SECOND dinner showed up, which was embarrassing. I didn't know I was getting more dinners from the ward than the 3 nights. This dinner came from some more of my cute neighbors. Chicken Cordon Bleu, yummy! For sure my family and I are loved and WELL fed.
I'm not sure what to do about pain control. I am always stingy with things, so thus I am with pain medication for myself. I was hurting quite bad when I went to bed, which makes me more emotional. I vow tomorrow to stay on top of this pain and my emotions. I went to bed reading my book "I Need Thee Every Hour". Colleen had text'ed earlier in the evening with a good quote from the book. I also woke this morning early and picked up the book and started reading.
Today, I feel good, much better, much stronger. I like these days better!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
November 3rd Thursday
So this was another melt down day. I received my pathology report...
Since I just wrote 4 days worth of blogs and it is now 2300 at night, & I don't feel like rehearsing the day right now, I think I will try it tomorrow, I will be less emotional and have a better perspective.
This is what you call a cliff hanger entry, right?
Since I just wrote 4 days worth of blogs and it is now 2300 at night, & I don't feel like rehearsing the day right now, I think I will try it tomorrow, I will be less emotional and have a better perspective.
This is what you call a cliff hanger entry, right?
November 2nd Wednesday
Summer and mom baby sat me. I mostly sat around all day. Dad came over for dinner, which was provided by my GREAT visiting teachers, along with some cozy socks. Teresa came by for a visit and brought some frozen enchilada's for us to eat at a later date and some of her amazing sugar cookies. Two of them were very special. They were my new boobie cookies.
You've got to see the picture to appreciate it.
My house is looking like a funeral parlor, lots of flowers and planters.
Breast Cancer is 98% curable, right?????
You've got to see the picture to appreciate it.
My house is looking like a funeral parlor, lots of flowers and planters.
Breast Cancer is 98% curable, right?????
November 1st
Came home from the hospital around 1400 or 1500. The day shift staff not as impressive as the night shift had been. Jim went into work late. Summer and grandma Joan spent the evening with me, as well as Staci. I never napped all day. Too high strung.
Heather and Shauna brought over a delicious dinner and planter. They are two very busy young mothers, I felt very appreciative, but a bit guilty. I waited too long to take pain meds, so had to work on getting myself medicated and relaxed with music and good drugs, before I could finally fall asleep, around 1230 am. Summer & Staci very doting. So cute!
Heather and Shauna brought over a delicious dinner and planter. They are two very busy young mothers, I felt very appreciative, but a bit guilty. I waited too long to take pain meds, so had to work on getting myself medicated and relaxed with music and good drugs, before I could finally fall asleep, around 1230 am. Summer & Staci very doting. So cute!
Halloween 2011
Lots of tricks and treats today.
I started off with several melt downs before leaving for the hospital. Jim was consoling and comforting. I still don't want to do this and can't believe I am submitting myself to this.
I arrived @ 0900, Summer arrived shortly after, followed by Staci, then mom, then Bruce and Staci. They told me 2 visitors, but they were good with three, then after my radioactive dye injection they put us in a room with lazy boy chairs to wait it out and let the crowd of support in. Sis Staci showed up with a PINK fleece breast cancer awareness blanket. It was very timely, because the room was cold & it was nice to have something soft to snuggle up to. She said that making the blanket had been healing for her.
You know how it is with hospitals, 'hurry up and wait". I didn't go for the radio active injection until 1100. The treat of this part was the hulk/hunk of an orderly that pushed me down the long walk to the Breast Care Center. They let Jim go along for the experience. Jim made the comment that my orderly 'has done a few more push ups than him." This made me laugh.
We were told the surgery was to start at 1245. Then the nurse casually mentioned a little later that the OR was running behind schedule and it would be a little longer. At 1330, Summer went out to the desk to find out what a 'little later" meant. She was told around 1500, but announced the good news was she had been given 6 meal tickets, so they could all go to the cafeteria for some lunch. Sis Staci stayed behind with me, but it was good to get them all out of the freezing cold room and let them eat and kill some time.
At 1430, the nurse showed up and said they were ready for me. The family was called back in.
Hulk the Orderly showed up again and he showed the family the waiting room, then he let Jim stay with me. Dr. Chen came in and marked me up with a pen. She also started reviewing a bunch of my options again, which I was not really ready to hear, or change my mind moments before going to surgery. My anesthesiologist, Dr. sweet Myers also came in to talk with both of us. We decided not use Versed, so my mind would be clearer. My right boob had a big "Boo!" on it, instead of the word "yes". My sister had put a big spider in my hair. We were trying to 'treat' the OR team.
After kissing Jim good-bye I walked into the OR room instead of being wheeled in. The OR team was surprised and said, "Well look at you, all in charge and everything". They helped me get comfortable then burned my arm off with the propofol infusion.
Michael Jackson, seriously how could you have liked that stuff?
I am told both surgeries went well. The axillary lymph nodes were hard to access due to adhesions, but the good news were they were all 3 negative. The old 23 year old implants came out easily for them. Dr Chen's work went good as well. I was only in recovery for a short time, then off to the 10th floor.
Our awesome neighbors made dinner for the family and took over the trick or treating obligations for us. The grandkids came in for a short visit to show off their costumes, then off to sleep I went, Yeah right!
I had a LONG sleep less night. It's really hard for me to sleep in a hospital and also I am not a back sleeper. The pain/discomfort of the surgery didn't help me get settle down either. The nursing staff was great on the night shift. They did their job and didn't allow any sleep time. You have to be a nurse to understand that one!
I started off with several melt downs before leaving for the hospital. Jim was consoling and comforting. I still don't want to do this and can't believe I am submitting myself to this.
I arrived @ 0900, Summer arrived shortly after, followed by Staci, then mom, then Bruce and Staci. They told me 2 visitors, but they were good with three, then after my radioactive dye injection they put us in a room with lazy boy chairs to wait it out and let the crowd of support in. Sis Staci showed up with a PINK fleece breast cancer awareness blanket. It was very timely, because the room was cold & it was nice to have something soft to snuggle up to. She said that making the blanket had been healing for her.
You know how it is with hospitals, 'hurry up and wait". I didn't go for the radio active injection until 1100. The treat of this part was the hulk/hunk of an orderly that pushed me down the long walk to the Breast Care Center. They let Jim go along for the experience. Jim made the comment that my orderly 'has done a few more push ups than him." This made me laugh.
We were told the surgery was to start at 1245. Then the nurse casually mentioned a little later that the OR was running behind schedule and it would be a little longer. At 1330, Summer went out to the desk to find out what a 'little later" meant. She was told around 1500, but announced the good news was she had been given 6 meal tickets, so they could all go to the cafeteria for some lunch. Sis Staci stayed behind with me, but it was good to get them all out of the freezing cold room and let them eat and kill some time.
At 1430, the nurse showed up and said they were ready for me. The family was called back in.
Hulk the Orderly showed up again and he showed the family the waiting room, then he let Jim stay with me. Dr. Chen came in and marked me up with a pen. She also started reviewing a bunch of my options again, which I was not really ready to hear, or change my mind moments before going to surgery. My anesthesiologist, Dr. sweet Myers also came in to talk with both of us. We decided not use Versed, so my mind would be clearer. My right boob had a big "Boo!" on it, instead of the word "yes". My sister had put a big spider in my hair. We were trying to 'treat' the OR team.
After kissing Jim good-bye I walked into the OR room instead of being wheeled in. The OR team was surprised and said, "Well look at you, all in charge and everything". They helped me get comfortable then burned my arm off with the propofol infusion.
Michael Jackson, seriously how could you have liked that stuff?
I am told both surgeries went well. The axillary lymph nodes were hard to access due to adhesions, but the good news were they were all 3 negative. The old 23 year old implants came out easily for them. Dr Chen's work went good as well. I was only in recovery for a short time, then off to the 10th floor.
Our awesome neighbors made dinner for the family and took over the trick or treating obligations for us. The grandkids came in for a short visit to show off their costumes, then off to sleep I went, Yeah right!
I had a LONG sleep less night. It's really hard for me to sleep in a hospital and also I am not a back sleeper. The pain/discomfort of the surgery didn't help me get settle down either. The nursing staff was great on the night shift. They did their job and didn't allow any sleep time. You have to be a nurse to understand that one!
October 30th Sunday
Today, maybe should have been a hard day, the day before surgery. Instead it was quite nice. All my family came over for our usual Sunday dinner after church. Sara and Rob did the cooking today, which was a huge help with keeping my stress level down and it was WAY Yummy!! Jim is the one struggling with emotions today. He is my rock, but every once in a while a rock has to weep. He asked his 12 year old Primary class to keep me in their prayers this week and they were all touched by his vulnerability. Summer was a wreck today as well, she also is my rock, but she is easier to see thru.
The girls planned a surprise for me today. While I was in on my closet floor switching out summer shoes for winter ones and complaining about 'pink mania fuss' they (and I mean the entire lot of them, boys included) were switching into pink support cancer awareness shirts which they had just recently purchased. When I walked out to the family room, there they were grinning ear to ear with their matching shirts. You just gotta love them! Of course then I had to sport my new pink shirt and we went out on the front porch, where our cute neighbor Cory did his best to get the wild family to hold still for a new family picture.
After dinner, Bishop Christopherson, Brother Black, Jim and Dad all gathered around to give me a priesthood blessing. Dad anointed the blessing and the Bishop gave it. It meant a lot to me and brought me great peace. I slept well.
The girls planned a surprise for me today. While I was in on my closet floor switching out summer shoes for winter ones and complaining about 'pink mania fuss' they (and I mean the entire lot of them, boys included) were switching into pink support cancer awareness shirts which they had just recently purchased. When I walked out to the family room, there they were grinning ear to ear with their matching shirts. You just gotta love them! Of course then I had to sport my new pink shirt and we went out on the front porch, where our cute neighbor Cory did his best to get the wild family to hold still for a new family picture.
After dinner, Bishop Christopherson, Brother Black, Jim and Dad all gathered around to give me a priesthood blessing. Dad anointed the blessing and the Bishop gave it. It meant a lot to me and brought me great peace. I slept well.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday and Saturday October 28th & 29th
Arghhhh..... 2nd time to type this. Somehow there was a 'conflict' when I tried to post. Computers!
Paper would not have made me write this twice.
Friday, Had a long 12 hour day at work, but nice. Many calls coming in from providers and the hospital. It's amazing how many times you have to give the save information and health history. Looks like a new decision has been made to place 'expanders' in both breasts in an effort to accomodate making them look closer to the same, well at least in size. This should be interesting. Still does not feel real.
Left my office with my calendar turned to December and with a new soft PINK blanket that one of my brand new employees has made me! People are so nice!! I really need to learn from all these people.
Surgery said to arrive at hospital @ 0900 and to bring good reading material. Surgery schedule somewhere between 1200 and 1300. I have to go in early due to the imaging work that needs to occur first.
This is actually going to be ok. It allows Halloween parades and trick or treating to occur without interruption. Sara and Rob are going to man our house for the trick or treaters for Jim and I on Monday night.
More pink....... Pink car magnets have now arrived, that Rob ordered. Ok, so this is how we are dealing with "it". Support breast cancer awareness! It's amazing what all you can find to buy. Anyone wanting a pink ribbon magnet let me know. I am sure I have extra! : )
After arriving home, mom and I took Kendra, Parker, DJ, Rowan and Brielle to the Halloween Display house, then to McDonalds for an ice cream cone. DJ, Ro and Kaia all spent the night. Kaia did pretty good with sleeping other than having a large poop around midnight!
Saturday, Mom brought Parker and Ken over to the house to carve pumpkins. Well, the kids cleaned out pumpkin guts & drew faces. Jim did all the carving but one scary warty one that mom did.
Sara and Rob came to pick up their kids. Rob loaded my nano with music to help me enjoy/relax to during my short hospital stay. They were also able to enjoy some home made hot bread that the Blacks made for us.
Jim and I finished up some end of the season yard work, then went to a movie. Good to have an excuse for a date night right?
Mom watched Brielle and took her and Ken and Park to a Trunk or Treat party at their ward. Staci is at a Halloween party tonight.
I'm feeling good tonight. I am confident again that the surgery will take care of the problem and be the end of it. I will look back and wonder what all the worry and fuss was about some day. : )
Paper would not have made me write this twice.
Friday, Had a long 12 hour day at work, but nice. Many calls coming in from providers and the hospital. It's amazing how many times you have to give the save information and health history. Looks like a new decision has been made to place 'expanders' in both breasts in an effort to accomodate making them look closer to the same, well at least in size. This should be interesting. Still does not feel real.
Left my office with my calendar turned to December and with a new soft PINK blanket that one of my brand new employees has made me! People are so nice!! I really need to learn from all these people.
Surgery said to arrive at hospital @ 0900 and to bring good reading material. Surgery schedule somewhere between 1200 and 1300. I have to go in early due to the imaging work that needs to occur first.
This is actually going to be ok. It allows Halloween parades and trick or treating to occur without interruption. Sara and Rob are going to man our house for the trick or treaters for Jim and I on Monday night.
More pink....... Pink car magnets have now arrived, that Rob ordered. Ok, so this is how we are dealing with "it". Support breast cancer awareness! It's amazing what all you can find to buy. Anyone wanting a pink ribbon magnet let me know. I am sure I have extra! : )
After arriving home, mom and I took Kendra, Parker, DJ, Rowan and Brielle to the Halloween Display house, then to McDonalds for an ice cream cone. DJ, Ro and Kaia all spent the night. Kaia did pretty good with sleeping other than having a large poop around midnight!
Saturday, Mom brought Parker and Ken over to the house to carve pumpkins. Well, the kids cleaned out pumpkin guts & drew faces. Jim did all the carving but one scary warty one that mom did.
Sara and Rob came to pick up their kids. Rob loaded my nano with music to help me enjoy/relax to during my short hospital stay. They were also able to enjoy some home made hot bread that the Blacks made for us.
Jim and I finished up some end of the season yard work, then went to a movie. Good to have an excuse for a date night right?
Mom watched Brielle and took her and Ken and Park to a Trunk or Treat party at their ward. Staci is at a Halloween party tonight.
I'm feeling good tonight. I am confident again that the surgery will take care of the problem and be the end of it. I will look back and wonder what all the worry and fuss was about some day. : )
Thursday, October 27, 2011
October 27th Thursday
Worked in office all day, trying to get PCA schedule done thru the end of the year & other odds and ends. I still need to get FMLA paper work turned in. I procrastinate things I do not like or want to do. Like organizing the mail, organizing all this cancer information and doctor appt.s and sending in FMLA paperwork for something I really don't want to do.
I was doing some of my mandatory education today and looked thru all the diagnoses of those needing hazardous drugs, cancer only being one. How ignorant I have been of all the different & difficult diagnoses people have to deal with. I have been lucky with health and grateful for it. I feel silly for whining away in this blog.
Tomorrow I work on the floor as a nurse & can enjoy the miracle of birth. It looks to be a busy day, so that will keep my mind off things. I have agreed to babysit Sara's kids tomorrow night. NO time for self pity tomorrow.
I received more gifts, hugs and well wishes. I received a beautiful huge planter from the managers in Women Services. It looks perfect in my home. I am so loved, it is always amazing to me and gives me strength.
Looks like on Monday I have to go to imaging first before surgery to have radioactive dye shot into the tumor for them to locate the sentinel node. Wow, it just keeps getting funner. I think I am scheduled for an 1130 start time for surgery, but will find out for sure tomorrow between 2 and 4. I have been told I will be in surgery between 4 to 5 hours.
I kept thinking all day, that this time next week I will finally know which path I am to journey. I feel strong, it's just the unknown, once again that I don't like. This is hard for anyone, but for me I think I like control and have never been good with surprises, good or bad.
I will deal with whatever I am given, I always have & do a good job.
I was doing some of my mandatory education today and looked thru all the diagnoses of those needing hazardous drugs, cancer only being one. How ignorant I have been of all the different & difficult diagnoses people have to deal with. I have been lucky with health and grateful for it. I feel silly for whining away in this blog.
Tomorrow I work on the floor as a nurse & can enjoy the miracle of birth. It looks to be a busy day, so that will keep my mind off things. I have agreed to babysit Sara's kids tomorrow night. NO time for self pity tomorrow.
I received more gifts, hugs and well wishes. I received a beautiful huge planter from the managers in Women Services. It looks perfect in my home. I am so loved, it is always amazing to me and gives me strength.
Looks like on Monday I have to go to imaging first before surgery to have radioactive dye shot into the tumor for them to locate the sentinel node. Wow, it just keeps getting funner. I think I am scheduled for an 1130 start time for surgery, but will find out for sure tomorrow between 2 and 4. I have been told I will be in surgery between 4 to 5 hours.
I kept thinking all day, that this time next week I will finally know which path I am to journey. I feel strong, it's just the unknown, once again that I don't like. This is hard for anyone, but for me I think I like control and have never been good with surprises, good or bad.
I will deal with whatever I am given, I always have & do a good job.
October 26th Wednesday
Looked up MRI results before taking off to a conference. MRI results basically just confirm what the other tests have said. No cancer seen in left breast. The right axilla nodes are prominent BUT are not pathologically enlarged, which is promising news for confirmation of the negative sentinel node we are expecting. Again, I believe this is all because we are catching it early. The microinvasion, they would not comment on, just state it needs to be biopsied, they would not rule out CA. The mass is now 11cm, by this physician measurements.
Attended a conference at Gardner Village in WJ. I have heard this speaker before and she is always very good and gives current and useful information. Excellent food. My appetite is back, pretty well, although I continue to lose weight.
Summer called me and gave me the bad news that she has been laid off at work. Life is not nice to us this month. She was optimistic and said, "well at least I will be available to stay with you" and other positive views. She is a worry wart, a controller ( I wonder where she got that from ) and a great nurturer. She already has been taking great care of me thru this process. All my girls amaze me with their love and concern.
The cancer worry bug visited me again in the night. I slept poorly & had my first dream of a 'cancer diagnoses" post surgery. I also saw the tumor and the mass and it was all awful. I pray that dream is as close to the diagnoses as I will really get.
Attended a conference at Gardner Village in WJ. I have heard this speaker before and she is always very good and gives current and useful information. Excellent food. My appetite is back, pretty well, although I continue to lose weight.
Summer called me and gave me the bad news that she has been laid off at work. Life is not nice to us this month. She was optimistic and said, "well at least I will be available to stay with you" and other positive views. She is a worry wart, a controller ( I wonder where she got that from ) and a great nurturer. She already has been taking great care of me thru this process. All my girls amaze me with their love and concern.
The cancer worry bug visited me again in the night. I slept poorly & had my first dream of a 'cancer diagnoses" post surgery. I also saw the tumor and the mass and it was all awful. I pray that dream is as close to the diagnoses as I will really get.
Tuesday Oct. 25th
Happy Birthday Keith!! Hope your day was a good one.
Took the day off work so I could get a pre-operative MRI done and meet with the plastic surgeon.
Had to have an IV for the MRI which I was not expecting or wanting. I hate IV's, I know I place them all the time, but like I've always said, I would much rather be the nurse than the patient. Luckily they got the vein in one stick. Now I'm obsessing over the thought of the IV on Monday.
The MRI took 45 minutes and I was in a rather strange position, which I would rather not elaborate on. I keep my eyes closed and try to go another place in my head.
Ran home and met up with sister Staci and mom, then off to see the plastic surgeon. Her office was very tastefully done. Very high tech. I am use to the industrial sameness of all the Intermountain offices so it was a nice change. The Physician was very professional and a good listener. I am being a minimalist with the reconstructive work. She did offer an option of the latest and greatest, but I am more interested in minimal surgery and fast recovery. Looks like I was dreaming when I thought this could all be taken care of in one surgery. Get rid of the time bomb and come out with a new breast. Oh no, not that simple. I will have an 'expander' placed for 3 months, then go back in regular intervals to have the expander 'tanked up" via a port. After 3 months I return for the implant. Then later go back for a nipple surgery, then later go back for fat deposits around the implant. And this is the simple version. Medicine is so interesting!
After the appt. went out to a yummy lunch to the Asian Star.
Came home and worked on paperwork both for surgery and PCA schedule for work.
Had a good night's sleep.
Took the day off work so I could get a pre-operative MRI done and meet with the plastic surgeon.
Had to have an IV for the MRI which I was not expecting or wanting. I hate IV's, I know I place them all the time, but like I've always said, I would much rather be the nurse than the patient. Luckily they got the vein in one stick. Now I'm obsessing over the thought of the IV on Monday.
The MRI took 45 minutes and I was in a rather strange position, which I would rather not elaborate on. I keep my eyes closed and try to go another place in my head.
Ran home and met up with sister Staci and mom, then off to see the plastic surgeon. Her office was very tastefully done. Very high tech. I am use to the industrial sameness of all the Intermountain offices so it was a nice change. The Physician was very professional and a good listener. I am being a minimalist with the reconstructive work. She did offer an option of the latest and greatest, but I am more interested in minimal surgery and fast recovery. Looks like I was dreaming when I thought this could all be taken care of in one surgery. Get rid of the time bomb and come out with a new breast. Oh no, not that simple. I will have an 'expander' placed for 3 months, then go back in regular intervals to have the expander 'tanked up" via a port. After 3 months I return for the implant. Then later go back for a nipple surgery, then later go back for fat deposits around the implant. And this is the simple version. Medicine is so interesting!
After the appt. went out to a yummy lunch to the Asian Star.
Came home and worked on paperwork both for surgery and PCA schedule for work.
Had a good night's sleep.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Sunday and Monday October 23 & 24th
Sunday............Another beautiful fall day. Went to a regional Stake Conference. Elder Bednard gave an awesome talk on testimony, conversion and the character of Christ. It was an inspiring talk, as well as one you felt you learned new perspective & doctrine. After church we took a motorcycle ride to Memory Grove and walked around with Staci and Brielle and enjoyed the day. Came home and had dinner with the family. Nice NORMAL day
Monday........... Went to fitness center in am, then into work. Colleen got called in @ 0130 to work, she spared me the call. That was very generous of her, but I felt very bad since she had to do NRP testing all day, then had Coordinating Council in late afternoon.
It had been recommended that I attend the Breast Cancer Support group before my surgery. So I went from 6-7:30 with Mom and daughter Staci. Not really a good idea. The women there were all in a bad place. I hope it was beneficial and helpful for them, it was not for me.
Monday........... Went to fitness center in am, then into work. Colleen got called in @ 0130 to work, she spared me the call. That was very generous of her, but I felt very bad since she had to do NRP testing all day, then had Coordinating Council in late afternoon.
It had been recommended that I attend the Breast Cancer Support group before my surgery. So I went from 6-7:30 with Mom and daughter Staci. Not really a good idea. The women there were all in a bad place. I hope it was beneficial and helpful for them, it was not for me.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
A Beautiful Saturday October 22nd
I work up at 0700 & thought I would get caught up on these posts. The internet was down so I read my book club book "Tending Roses" instead. What a gorgeous morning and day it has been!!!! Loved it!!!
The trees are amazing. Had a fairly lazy day. Summer is moving, so we helped her move furniture in the afternoon, then I went to Wheeler Farm with the grand kids. Kaia was so cute. She loved the wagon ride and the pumpkin patch. If I knew how to put pictures on this blog I would share one with you.
While we were at Wheeler Farm, Staci read me a message from my "little bro", Jason that lives in AZ. I am assuming it was on face book. So nice! He is always a rock.
Thanks for the chocolate brownies, Diane. Another great card to add to the "crushing" of the pathology report.
As far as my "situation", I have decided against a preventative mastectomy on the left side. I will talk to the plastic surgeon for her opinion on Tuesday about this as well, but SERIOUSLY enough is enough.
The trees are amazing. Had a fairly lazy day. Summer is moving, so we helped her move furniture in the afternoon, then I went to Wheeler Farm with the grand kids. Kaia was so cute. She loved the wagon ride and the pumpkin patch. If I knew how to put pictures on this blog I would share one with you.
While we were at Wheeler Farm, Staci read me a message from my "little bro", Jason that lives in AZ. I am assuming it was on face book. So nice! He is always a rock.
Thanks for the chocolate brownies, Diane. Another great card to add to the "crushing" of the pathology report.
As far as my "situation", I have decided against a preventative mastectomy on the left side. I will talk to the plastic surgeon for her opinion on Tuesday about this as well, but SERIOUSLY enough is enough.
Friday October 21st, 10 days away from Halloween
I slept in today. It felt so good. I woke up feeling strong. I look thru my sweet gifts, books,caffeine free diet coke and smile. I placed the paper from the pathologist with my diagnoses on it in the middle of all the beautiful cards I have received, as if to crush it with caring thoughts and prayers. I am keeping perspective and tapping into my spirituality. I can totally do this.
My brother Keith called me today. He told me he was unable to call me until he was able to keep his emotions in check. He is dealing with anger right now. He is an amazing person and does so much work in the community for those who struggle with addictions. He has many of the inmates at the prison praying for me as well as his large community of friends. Tonight he is hosting a special sweat in my behalf. I am honored and look forward to more positive energy.
Went to work for 6 hours, sent an email out to the staff to explain " my situation ". I have not shared this blog address with very many folks, no one at work but Colleen. Maybe later I will.................
I love the show Soul Surfer, so Staci, Brielle and I watched it this evening. It is an inspiring movie and means even more to me now.
I climbed into bed and started to go thru ALL the cancer binders. I felt my courage waiver as I sifted thru the information. I don't like night time, I get terribly frightened at times. Frightened once again of the unknown. Where did all my courage & strength go from this morning?
My brother Keith called me today. He told me he was unable to call me until he was able to keep his emotions in check. He is dealing with anger right now. He is an amazing person and does so much work in the community for those who struggle with addictions. He has many of the inmates at the prison praying for me as well as his large community of friends. Tonight he is hosting a special sweat in my behalf. I am honored and look forward to more positive energy.
Went to work for 6 hours, sent an email out to the staff to explain " my situation ". I have not shared this blog address with very many folks, no one at work but Colleen. Maybe later I will.................
I love the show Soul Surfer, so Staci, Brielle and I watched it this evening. It is an inspiring movie and means even more to me now.
I climbed into bed and started to go thru ALL the cancer binders. I felt my courage waiver as I sifted thru the information. I don't like night time, I get terribly frightened at times. Frightened once again of the unknown. Where did all my courage & strength go from this morning?
Thursday October 20th Multidisciplinary Team
Jim and I went to LDSH to the Cancer Clinic to meet with the multidisciplinary team. This is somewhat like 'one stop shopping" for cancer. New cases are reviewed at 0700, then all us lucky folk have an appt. to meet with the MD team for their recommendations and to help us navigate thru this experience that we did not sign up for.
My appt. was @ 0830. After donning a cute little camisole that Velcros up the front, we began a 3 hour session in which we met with 8 different individuals who explained their role and helped answer questions. Let's see, there was a surgeon, who explained quite well surgery options, he also suggested I consider preventative mastectomy on the left side as well. He answered the bulk of my questions. We also met with a oncology radiologist, a chemo doctor, a nutritionist, a nurse practitioner, a representative from the American Cancer Society, a occupational therapist that specializes in lymphedema, a social worker & a geneticist. I left the clinic with 2 binders full of information and a MRI scheduled for next Tuesday morning. I was a bit overwhelmed and tired, but I still had to go to work. Jim took me out for some lunch at Grape Vine for a salad.
I really can't even remember all that was said.
I remember the drawings that the surgeon did. That he told us the pathologist said the tumor had negative receptor cells for estrogen and progesterone, which is not normally good, but since it is non-invasive I believe this to be moot. When the calcifications are biopsied this will be more important should there be cancer. He also explained why my calcifications were significant, the fact that it is large and came on suddenly and that the tumor was high grade, puts me in a higher risk category, but he could not give me a percentage. Normally microcalcifications are found to be cancerous 20% of the time. Not sure what this means for me. I have chosen to stick with the 20% of the time.
The radiologist said that radiation rx is 5 days per week for 5 weeks should I need it. Most common side affect is redness at the radiated site, fatigue and a small % get a pneumnitis. I thanked him for his time and told him I would not be needing his services.
I can't remember what the chemo guy said. The nutrionist said to eat a lot of protein & fiber and to not mega dose on fish oil. I could take as much Vitamin C as I wanted.
I knew two of the 8 individuals which is always interesting to me. The NP is actually a CNM that I work with in L&D. The woman from the American Cancer Society is a gal that I see at the Fitness Center all the time. She is usually just getting out of the shower when I am arriving and she leaves the bathroom smelling so nice. She gave me one of the binders and told me about a support group every other Monday night.
The geneticist said that my sister and daughter were at no higher risk than the general population. That I do not have a family gene ,so to speak, from my family history.
Anyway, over all I was impressed with the collaboration of care that was offered. I felt tired & drained all day. I had a primary presidency meeting later that evening, in which I shared my news. The primary program is coming up in November and I am disappointed I will be of little use. The women are all awesome & talented and I look forward to working with them.
I was so tired and looked forward to bedtime without the aide of Ambien : )
My appt. was @ 0830. After donning a cute little camisole that Velcros up the front, we began a 3 hour session in which we met with 8 different individuals who explained their role and helped answer questions. Let's see, there was a surgeon, who explained quite well surgery options, he also suggested I consider preventative mastectomy on the left side as well. He answered the bulk of my questions. We also met with a oncology radiologist, a chemo doctor, a nutritionist, a nurse practitioner, a representative from the American Cancer Society, a occupational therapist that specializes in lymphedema, a social worker & a geneticist. I left the clinic with 2 binders full of information and a MRI scheduled for next Tuesday morning. I was a bit overwhelmed and tired, but I still had to go to work. Jim took me out for some lunch at Grape Vine for a salad.
I really can't even remember all that was said.
I remember the drawings that the surgeon did. That he told us the pathologist said the tumor had negative receptor cells for estrogen and progesterone, which is not normally good, but since it is non-invasive I believe this to be moot. When the calcifications are biopsied this will be more important should there be cancer. He also explained why my calcifications were significant, the fact that it is large and came on suddenly and that the tumor was high grade, puts me in a higher risk category, but he could not give me a percentage. Normally microcalcifications are found to be cancerous 20% of the time. Not sure what this means for me. I have chosen to stick with the 20% of the time.
The radiologist said that radiation rx is 5 days per week for 5 weeks should I need it. Most common side affect is redness at the radiated site, fatigue and a small % get a pneumnitis. I thanked him for his time and told him I would not be needing his services.
I can't remember what the chemo guy said. The nutrionist said to eat a lot of protein & fiber and to not mega dose on fish oil. I could take as much Vitamin C as I wanted.
I knew two of the 8 individuals which is always interesting to me. The NP is actually a CNM that I work with in L&D. The woman from the American Cancer Society is a gal that I see at the Fitness Center all the time. She is usually just getting out of the shower when I am arriving and she leaves the bathroom smelling so nice. She gave me one of the binders and told me about a support group every other Monday night.
The geneticist said that my sister and daughter were at no higher risk than the general population. That I do not have a family gene ,so to speak, from my family history.
Anyway, over all I was impressed with the collaboration of care that was offered. I felt tired & drained all day. I had a primary presidency meeting later that evening, in which I shared my news. The primary program is coming up in November and I am disappointed I will be of little use. The women are all awesome & talented and I look forward to working with them.
I was so tired and looked forward to bedtime without the aide of Ambien : )
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 19
Is everyone current on their mammograms? Show me your support. Schedule your mammogram tomorrow!
V Fred
V Fred
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday October 18th Good News Day
Let me start by saying, that I am still uneasy and weirded out by this social media stuff. I do not have a Facebook account and am not convinced about all this. I think of myself as more private, but my daughters are quite insistent blogging is helpful & needed. I don't want to make a big deal over any of this, when I know others have far worse challenges. I appreciate my daughters love and concern and time to create this blog (blog, what a weird name).
Last night we discovered good news, that the tumor, somewhere between 1.4-2 cm depending on what report you read, is High Grade DCIS (ductal carcinoma insitu) The "in situ" is the good news. The cancer is in its 'shell' and has not penetrated the membrane wall. "High Grade" means that the cancer cells are very active and multiplying quickly, BUT they are incapsulated.
I met with my surgeon today, who was mostly very re-assuring. It was helpful for Jim to have met with him. He feels encouraged. We were told that normally this would involve a lumpectomy & no chemo, possibly no radiation, if lymph nodes were negative. In my case, there is also 10 cm of rare microcalcifications found that have a multitude of "stars" in their mists. Due to the "abundance" of the calcifications, the breast cannot be saved. During surgery they will examine the sentinel lymph node and will do multiple biopsies on the calcifications. We will have to wait 2-5 days for the biopsy results.
This Thursday I will meet with a multidisciplinary cancer team. My case will be presented to the "tumor board" at 0700. Then at 0830 I will meet with all those who will be involved in the treatment and care (radiologist, oncologist, nutrionists, genetic counselor, social worker, American Cancer Society, etc.) I was told that reconstructive work should be possible at the time of the surgery. I do not have an appt. made yet with a plastic surgeon, but do have one who has agreed to work with me & scheduled the reconstructive surgery at the same time as the mastectomy.
So Happy Halloween!!! The "scary tumor" will be removed on Halloween Day.
I feel ok about this date as I have been reassured that the prognosis is looking good and it allows me to get my home life and work somewhat caught up.
Thank you so much for the prayers, kind words, and loving cards, posts, and emails! Your good thoughts and prayers are working!!!!! I love the power of prayer.
Are you suppose to sign off on a blog???
Pink Ribbon Family Mom alias V Fred
Last night we discovered good news, that the tumor, somewhere between 1.4-2 cm depending on what report you read, is High Grade DCIS (ductal carcinoma insitu) The "in situ" is the good news. The cancer is in its 'shell' and has not penetrated the membrane wall. "High Grade" means that the cancer cells are very active and multiplying quickly, BUT they are incapsulated.
I met with my surgeon today, who was mostly very re-assuring. It was helpful for Jim to have met with him. He feels encouraged. We were told that normally this would involve a lumpectomy & no chemo, possibly no radiation, if lymph nodes were negative. In my case, there is also 10 cm of rare microcalcifications found that have a multitude of "stars" in their mists. Due to the "abundance" of the calcifications, the breast cannot be saved. During surgery they will examine the sentinel lymph node and will do multiple biopsies on the calcifications. We will have to wait 2-5 days for the biopsy results.
This Thursday I will meet with a multidisciplinary cancer team. My case will be presented to the "tumor board" at 0700. Then at 0830 I will meet with all those who will be involved in the treatment and care (radiologist, oncologist, nutrionists, genetic counselor, social worker, American Cancer Society, etc.) I was told that reconstructive work should be possible at the time of the surgery. I do not have an appt. made yet with a plastic surgeon, but do have one who has agreed to work with me & scheduled the reconstructive surgery at the same time as the mastectomy.
So Happy Halloween!!! The "scary tumor" will be removed on Halloween Day.
I feel ok about this date as I have been reassured that the prognosis is looking good and it allows me to get my home life and work somewhat caught up.
Thank you so much for the prayers, kind words, and loving cards, posts, and emails! Your good thoughts and prayers are working!!!!! I love the power of prayer.
Are you suppose to sign off on a blog???
Pink Ribbon Family Mom alias V Fred
Monday, October 17
I checked for results from patho all day. No results. Unable to concentrate at work. Still no appetite (chai tea, and half a yogurt). My right nipple has a constant ached/throb/over-stimulated feeling to it.
My awesome OB dr. called the pathologist herself around 5:00 pm. The pathologist shared with her that he was not complete with his results yet, but it was looking to be non-invasive ductal carcinoma. This is the best news yet. I’m half way there to not needing chemo. Just need to have negative lymph nodes.
Spoke with a dear friend Andrea on the phone tonight who is a breast cancer survivor of 11 years. She earlier had left me a beautiful card and willow statue in my office that greeted me when I walked in this morning, along with an interesting basket full of seasonal gords from Wendy. I also received a breast cancer bracelet from Bonnie which has the words “strength” and “courage” on it. People have been so generous. Multiple cards. Colene and I paraded around in our pink ribbon lapel pins. She’s been extremely supportive as well. Andrea was very encouraging and made me feel much better about what is going to happen. My surgeon does surgeries on Thursdays and Mondays. I really don’t think I will be having surgery until next week. I see my surgeon tomorrow at 4:00 after working my shift. Hoping for more encouraging news. It doesn’t sound like me to have to have cancer, let alone chemo. I was telling Jim that this diagnosis just doesn’t sound like me so finding out it’s non-invasive sounds more like me. I am not a problem.
Time for another ambien. I need to be at work at 6 am.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16
I had to help Daemon write a talk today for primary. He did a great job. Rowan also had to give a scripture today, which we were not prepared for. Poor cute girl. I’ve conducted primary the past 2 weeks, it’s not as easy as it looks.
This evening Summer, Sara, Rob, Daemon, Rowan, and Kaia were all here for dinner. Staci and Brielle were at Frightmares. I have this nausea that keeps coming and going so I didn’t eat dinner with everyone else. Today I felt pretty well until tonight.
Staci colored my hair, it’s probably the last time. While I was in the shower washing out the dye I had a small melt down. How can my cute breasts turn on me? This is so gross.
The clock ticking in the bathroom is ominous, it’s forcing me into my future.
I see I have missed a few texts so I am responding to them now. This interaction is making me more nervous.
I have this stupid chronic cough which I believe is somewhere between a bad habit, nerves, or allergies. This is the third time in my life where I have coughed to the point of throwing up. I cough to the point of gagging on a fairly regular basis, but never on this level. It’s my stress. This constant worry of the unknown is very hard. I cannot stand to be the problem. I have worked so hard to not be a problem to anyone in my life. I have been solid and dependable. I control things. I don’t know how to do this, it breaks my heart L. I do not want to add stress to people, there is already so much stress in everyone’s life.
Ok I’m exhausted, I’m taking an ambien. I hope I can sleep more than five hours tonight.
Saturday, October 15
Tanya Schaffer stopped by the house yesterday and dropped off this journal (I write in a journal and Staci types it for me) and cute card. Awesome, one item off my list to do. The girls are setting up a blog for me to journal but that’s all going to be new for me. I’m a little nervous about all the new experiences waiting for me :-/ .
I know one thing, I am hugely loved and supported. I just hope I don’t wear out a good thing.
I spent the day going to a baby shower for an old friend, to a pumpkin patch with Brielle and Staci, and later on to a wedding reception. It felt kind of weird keeping a deep dark secret from everyone.
Staci is having a pink fetish. She has come home with pink nail polish, pink tweezers with ribbons on them, a pink flat iron, a pink magnet picture frame, a pink notebook, a pink pen, pink breast cancer awareness bags, and a pink callous remover. I have vowed to wear my pink pin (free from the breast care center), and pink nail polish until this journey is over. When I told Staci this she went out and bought 4 more bottles of pink polish.
I am going to slowly backdate a calendar of events leading up to all of this. Here is what I have so far.
Calendar of Events: Sometime in the 3rd week of September I was doing a large load of laundry from our trip to Lake Powell. In reaching across the bed somehow I felt a tenderness/pull/pain in my breast. I don’t believe I really addressed it seriously until the first week of October. I remember thinking that everyday I was hearing the word "cancer". It was so weird! On the radio, billboards, work, General Conference, etc. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and they do a good job, at least with me. I began to palpate my right breast on a regular basis, compare the two breasts, then started having family members give it a “feel”. We all had our own opinions of what we were feeling. Of course I thought of cancer, but I easily dismissed it, since things like that don’t happen to me!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
October 12th, 13th and 14th Life Changing Days
12th Had a dx mammogram and US done @ IMC Breast Care Center. Not good news. Started leaking fluid from right breast/nipple.
Scheduled for biopsy in am.
13th Biopsy done on tumor followed by another mammogram 8 Gauge needle. Apparently there is a large area of microcalcifications as well as the tumor. Radiologist concerned.
14th Right breast large red area around biopsy site, breast very swollen. Back down to Breast Care center, where they dx celluitis. Breast was drained, culture specimen sent to radiology. Radiologist concerned about fast on set of ? infection. Placed me on two antibiotics. One to cover MRSA. That's all I need!!!!!!!!!!!
Pharmacy closed before I could pick up my RX's. Had to go back into work and ask Dr. Jackson to re-write the RX's, which he gladly did. Honestly what a week!!
Scheduled for biopsy in am.
13th Biopsy done on tumor followed by another mammogram 8 Gauge needle. Apparently there is a large area of microcalcifications as well as the tumor. Radiologist concerned.
14th Right breast large red area around biopsy site, breast very swollen. Back down to Breast Care center, where they dx celluitis. Breast was drained, culture specimen sent to radiology. Radiologist concerned about fast on set of ? infection. Placed me on two antibiotics. One to cover MRSA. That's all I need!!!!!!!!!!!
Pharmacy closed before I could pick up my RX's. Had to go back into work and ask Dr. Jackson to re-write the RX's, which he gladly did. Honestly what a week!!
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