Nov. 3rd & 4th from perspective on Saturday am.

Thursday, I received a message on my phone from the surgeons office to call them back regarding the pathology report.   I went on line instead and read the report repeatedly.  The report was very thorough, but there is danger in trying to read, or better yet, trying to 'read things into' a report.

There were 3 axilla nodes removed and all 3 were negative, which is great. The microcalcification mass was 11cmX10cmX3.5cm in size, which is huge.  To demonstrate just how huge that is, Jim made a clay model for Staci and Summer, though he says the thickness is not accurate.

There were 19 biopsies done,  15 of the biopsies showed the Comedo DCIS, and 4 of the biopsies showed microinvasive ductual carcinoma.  All were measured within 0.1cm or less to the margin. The margins were declared 'free of tumor'.  There were samples sent for the progesterone, estrogen and HER2 receptor cells once again.  My diagnosed tumor was negative for these receptor cells, which basically means I would not be a good candidate for the cancer hormone treatment that they offer.

I then called the office back and asked if there was any significance to the 4 invasive slides. The nurse told me she wasn't certain, but felt like it meant a change in my follow up care plan would need to occur and that I should make an appt. with the oncologist.  She said it typically takes 3-4 weeks to to get in.  She told me my case had not made it to the tumor board that morning, because the results had come back too late, but would be discussed next Thursday.   I asked if I could/should cancel my appt with the surgeon on Tuesday, until after it had gone to the tumor board.  She said, no he will want to look at the incisions.  Heck, I can look at the incisions.  I needed different information! Ok, fine. I will find out my needed information in another avenue. Patience is not one of my virtues!

Well let's just say I was not prepared to hear the words "a change to my follow up plan of care".  I marched over to the IMC/Huntsman Cancer Center with mom and Staci in tow. I had several contained embarassing melt downs in the cancer library and the oncologist office. Everyone that had to deal with me was very appropriate. No offense, but I just don't want to be a patient in the waiting room of an oncologist.

Long story short, I did get an appt. with an oncologist next Thursday. I am hoping I can cancel it after I see Dr. Price, the surgeon on Tuesday. I called Dr. Brown, my OB, and she did talk with me for quite a while.  She also felt like radiation may be in my future, but not chemo. She wants me to get some Milk of Magnesia. Well off the subject, but that is another problem I am having.  Jim is certain, the plan of care will NOT be changing and all I need to really worry about is the Milk of Mag problem.

I received more love and support in the afternoon.  Cheri came to visit and brought me a Chai tea, frozen dinner and lotion & a card from my PCA staff. Colleen came over to visit in the evening.  She got me caught up with work & brought a beautiful bracelet from Trina.  She is an awesome friend.   Colleen's face was funny because she had been to the dermatologist where they had treated her with liquid nitrogen & now her face was reddeded her up a bit.

Marlene and Kristi brought in dinner & their love. AVH Women's Center sent a planter, or was that Wed.?????

What I am saying is, I am so loved and supported and grateful, and of course I knew that there may be a change in the plan in care that's what the pathology report is for.  I am just evolving and learning about myself that I am still in denial, or that I will only play this game with certain parameters.  Once again, loss of control is icky. I am already tired of all of this!  

Friday, I stayed down and stayed sad. Staci & Bruce offered to bring in fajita's for dinner & a funny movie.  I received a gorgeous planter from the IMC. Mom came over to spend the day with me.  Her and Brielle burnt popcorn, so the house was smelling interesting, when a SECOND dinner showed up, which was embarrassing. I didn't know I was getting more dinners from the ward than the 3 nights.    This dinner came from some more of my cute neighbors.  Chicken Cordon Bleu, yummy! For sure my family and I are loved and WELL fed.  

I'm not sure what to do about pain control. I am always stingy with things, so thus I am with pain medication for myself.  I was hurting quite bad when I went to bed, which makes me more emotional.  I vow tomorrow to stay on top of this pain and my emotions. I went to bed reading my book "I Need Thee Every Hour". Colleen had text'ed earlier in the evening with a good quote from the book. I also woke this morning early and picked up the book and started reading.

Today, I feel good, much better, much stronger. I like these days better!